EM: Lately, this song speaks to me...

Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
And I'm wonderin' why you left
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart
Tonight

I hear your name in certain circles, and it always makes me
Smile
I spend my time thinkin' about you, and it's almost driving
Me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking down this long distance
Line tonight

I ain't missing you at all since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you, no matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire, and I'm sending you this
Signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning, though I'm trying hard to
Understand
And it's my heart that's breaking down this long distance
Line tonight


I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you,
No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out,
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance,
Stop this heartbreak Overload


I ain't missing you,
I ain't missing you,
I can lie to Myself...

EM: Maybe it's part of life... maybe it's normal...

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking about my past a lot. When I say my past, I mean specifically High School, since that was a time of great discovery and lessons. Mainly what I've been thinking about it the fact that I wouldn't relive any of it if you gave me a million dollars. Like, when I really think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach how much I really hated High School. And what's interesting is how attached to it I was when I graduated. I mean, that's not really surprising; I absolutely hate change. In all honesty, I completely and utterly despise it. High School, other than the time I spent doing drama, was absolute balls. And I'm not excluding drama from that, because there were times during drama where I was so absolutely done I wanted to drop out and become a hobo. I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much lately, maybe it's because Holiday breaks are starting to come up, and that's when you reconnect with everyone.

Now I love seeing my close friends on breaks, I'm not saying I don't. But... I don't like seeing everybody... I HATE FEELING LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN. It pisses me off so much, it sickens me really.

I don't know how I got this way. At the time of High School I felt like everyone I'd met was a lifelong friend. I was right about some of those people, but not all of them. Actually I was right about... hmmmm... let's say 25-30% of them. All the others, now when I see them, they look at me like "Wow... are you really talking to me right now? Do I look like I wanna' chat?" and I have to ask... "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?! SERIOUSLY?!"

Oh my god I'm tripping balls... I'm freaking out... I don't know why. I'm just all of the sudden thinking about all of the bad memories I have and NONE of the good. I want to think of the good! There were so many good! But the bad always overshadows the good, you always end up dwelling. I've never been one to massively dwell (except for one other occasion...) and I don't like doing it. It's out of character and it's annoying. And I don't want people thinking I don't want to be around them or that I hate them either (But luckily, not a lot of people follow this blog, so it's a good source to get my feelings out.) I don't know, either way, I guess I'm just going through a phase... I'm sure I'll get over it... eventually :(

EM: God dammit, MY LIFE!

What the hell?! I have Shingles?! REALLY?!! Omg, this is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, aside from when I had hand-foot-and-mouth disease. I swear to god I get the most ridiculously outlandish and painful illnesses ever, it's not fair. I mean, seriously, I'm in so much goddamn pain. It's like someone is stabbing me in the left shoulder blade with a giant needle, meanwhile taking a bunch of smaller needles and scraping me along the rest of the surrounding area. I just want to die and get it over with, IT HURTS SO BAD!!! Dammit, agh... god. OUCH! Dammit... :'(

THE JU: Indescribable

Right now I am so unbelievably in love with my friends. More specifically the friends I dance with.

If you didn't already know, I am completely addicted to swing dancing. My friend Mark got me into it about a year and a half ago and it is absolutely my favorite thing to do in the whole world.

I love it cause it's okay to be goofy, infact the goofier you are the better.

But the real reason I'm so completely addicted is because of the people.

Nobody I dance with is trying to be cool

or sexy

or even go against the grain.

They all just genuinely love it, and they are the most sincere people I have ever known in my entire life.

So here's to the people I dance with

Especially my boys, who aren't afraid to be gentlemen, even when they don't have to be.

THE JU: yet another

Okay so there are so many blogs on here about Twilight. The one below this that Em wrote made me pee my pants a tiny bit. What I'm about to write isn't funny. I just need to sort through some shit going through my mind.

I am a Twilight fan. But before you stone me in the street I'd just like to say a few things:

1. I don't EVER want a man I'm with to sparkle
2. The fact that Nordstrom has a line of Twilight apparel and cosmetics makes me want to strangle innocent things
3. I find Robert Pattinson sexy for reasons that are completely seperate from the movies
4. I understand that the concepts of tabooed love, and sexy vampires are 100% unoriginal
5. Stephanie Meyer is to literature what the Jonas Brothers are to music
6. I will go to the midnight show of New Moon with gold contacts, only because I will not let the scene around something I like keep me from enjoying it, no matter how much that scene makes me want to pull out my fingernails and shove them into my own eyes

Here's my thing:
The Twilight fad is absolutely fucking ridiculous. And it angers me as much as the next person how much attention it is getting when, in all reality, it lacks originality, talented actors (with the exception of Dakota Fanning) and sensible artistic details. It baffles me that something completely void anything good is so popular.
And then I started thinking, why is it so popular. I mean it sucks, and everyone complains about it. In fact people that hate Twilight have just as many Facebook groups, and blogs as the super fans. So why on god's green earth is it so successful.
And then I realized, it's the people it is geared to. "The Twilight Saga" (p.s how the fuck did it get classified as a saga?) is geared towards prepubescent girls, and lusty old women. Two large target audiences, widely held to have absolutely no taste. So maybe that's why I (and most of the people I choose to associate with) don't understand.

It's the same principle as why I don't understand books about the wiring of cars; I am not the intended audience. Because surely if the people marketing Twilight were trying to hook me and my friends they wouldn't be going about it like they are right now. They'd be keeping it somewhat underground, true to the book, and do a hell of a lot better casting a female lead than Kirsten Stewart.

So my frustration is merely a product of the fact that I am no longer in the age group that huge fads are targeted to. It doesn't excuse the fact that it sucks, but it puts its popularity into perspective. The reason Twilight is so fucking nauseating is because the fan base is too.

Of course young teenage girls love all the shirts that say "Screw Being a Princess, I want to be a Vampire" and "Bet You Can't Read My Mind". It's because they're young, naive, and think they're hot shit. The same reasons why 15 year old girls scream to the lead singer of Boys Like Girls that they want to have his babies. They are, for lack of a better synonym, completely fucking retarded.

Unfortunately, the world is full of Jr. High School girls who haven't yet realized that they're ridiculous. Which is why Twilight, and the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus for that matter, are so popular.

Our parents went through the same frustration when The Spice Girls and boy bands hit the fan in the 90s. Don't get me wrong, Spice Girls are (to me) classic, but compared to the music of our parents grew up with, the Spice Girls were horrible. And we loved them because they were marketed to us.

So there we go. Twilight is horrible because for some reason that is what sells.

God damn it what is the world coming to.

EM: You Twilight Fans know NOTHING!

So today, it officially set me off. The Twilight craze I mean. I was walking in the SURC and heard some girl say, SERIOUSLY, "Robert Pattinson made vampires sexy!"........ ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! SUCK MY BALLS! Vampires have been considered sexy for freaking ever, that's the whole point of them. They're alluring! Dumb bitches! Robert Pattinson came in with his creepy ass "Guy you alert the flight attendant about" facial expressions and hung around like a totally unnecessary fart. There have been so many vampires in film that have been so much hotter than Robert Pattinson that it's kind of ridiculous. I'm sorry, but it has officially pissed me off. I mean, come on. Twilight, although entertaining, is in no way original or groundbreaking. GOD DAMMIT! I will now do a salute to all those who have been over looked because Twilight sucks so much!

Antonio Banderes in Interview With A Vampire

Stuart Townsend in Queen of the Damned

Brad Pitt in Interview With A Vampire

Tom Cruise in Interview With A Vampire

Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000

And yet you people, you crazy ass people with your golden contacts and your body glitter and you're "I kissed a Vampire and I liked it" T-Shirts continually find that it makes sense to drool over THIS!

CHOADE

Suck my balls people... suck them dry...

THE JU: Warm Me Up

Oh my darling Em. While the male species may not understand, I for one know exactly why you're extra pervy lately.

Blame it on the earth

It's because it's fall.

And it's cold.

And the only thing to do when it's cold is think about ways to warm up.

And since we all know how much you hate snuggies, there's really only one alternative.

I have been thinking about the exact same thing, as everyone with out a Y chromosome has. And it's time to address a new face that has no doubt been haunting female minds for about a year now.

Taylor Lautner

He gained womens' trust last year in Twilight, and with the addition of thirty pounds of muscle he'll be making their collar bones burn in New Moon next month.

The only problem.

He's complete jail bait.

I'm aware that this blog is wholly unoriginal. Taylor Lautner's status as fetus man candy is about as ground breaking as a picture of Britney Spears' vag.

Everybody's sick of hearing about it but we can't look away.

And I don't want to.

Look away from Taylor Lautner that is...not Britney's genitalia. bleh.

Anyways, getting back to topics that don't make me vomit in my mouth. I don't care that he's 17 years old. Because there comes a time when it doesn't matter (and that time came when he got a six pack). And while the fact that he's 17 makes me feel like a cougar even tho I'm barely 18, all I have to say is one thing.

The age of consent in Washington is 16.

XD

EM: My mind in pictures

So, lately... I'm a total perv! Shocking, I know! I seem to be stuck in a rut, the kind of rut where all you can think about is, well, you know... bad bad things. I mean, have I ever really had any other kind of mind? No, not really, but I mean, come on! Get over it, and move on Emily! But at the same time, can you blame me?... no, not really... Unless you're a man, then you may feel a little offended that I use your form as private mental entertainment XD Oops, was that too much information? Ugh, too late.

Exercise is important...

Transformers is too...

Tiger Woods thought he made golf look good... HA!

Ah, the beauty of the no-longer-highschool musical kid...

Making IHOP and Football interesting...

Do I even need to explain this one?

They cut the bottom of the photo off, it kills me a little...

They're taking him to my house...

EM: Men (can't live with them, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM)

So essentially I've realized that I have the most intense love/hate relationship with the male species. I mean, it's a little ridiculous. There are those guys who you're just friends with; they're sweet, they're funny, they're a little annoying sometimes, but you love being around them all the time. There are those guys you like; they're sweet, they're funny, they drive you up the wall because you know they just don't get it, and yet you love being around them all the time. And finally there are the guys who you hate so much you just want them to walk into moving rush hour traffic (there aren't very many of them, but they exist). This puts me in a pickle. Why? I can't handle the fact that I feel like to every guy I meet, I'm the friend. "Oh Emily, you're such a good friend!" and "Emily I love you" of course platonically. I'm not that girl who anyone's immediately attracted to, which is annoying. I mean, I don't want to be one of those girls who guys only like for they're looks, but still... and holy shit! Every guy I like, a bunch of other girls like, and just totally make it obvious. All over them, hugging them, sitting with them, talking to them, giggling uncontrollably, how the shit to I compete with that? I'm not that kind of girl, I don't play the game like that.

There's the ex-boyfriends of course. I mean, I only have one, but still, it's not the easiest thing ever. Are we friends? Yeah. Is it cool? Yeah! Will it ever be the same? No. Everything is completely changed and you'll never just be friends. You'll always be ex's, it's like being branded with a permanent mark on your forehead.

And the guys who you once kind of had a thing with, who completely fucked you over and are totally clueless to the fact that they hurt you. The guys who always try to talk to you like everything is cool, and you have to ignore, and you wish they'd just be gone forever, because in all honesty they're not that great anyway and the only reason you ever went for them is because you were so vulnerable from you're previous heartbreak that you were ready to jump anything and anyone with a pulse. And you were on two completely different pages; you didn't know it, but he did. Or you did know it and were in complete denial. Or you weren't in denial but thought he'd change his mind. OR ALL OF THE ABOVE! Not only is he a complete and total walking dick, but he's a constant reminder of what a complete retard you were. And you're still heart broken, he didn't fix anything. If anything, he just took your broken heart, put the pieces in a blender, and hit "frappe".

I just need to meet someone new, you know? Just meet someone new! A cool dude who isn't in theatre, who I haven't known for a decent amount of years, who is cool and nice and friendly, who has a good sense of humor... you know, that quite possibly non-existent-for-me dream guy. It's obnoxious, god college is a torture chamber sometimes.

THE JU: Stuck in Some Sort of No Man's Land

I'm in a really weird place in my life right now.
I'm not away at college. But I'm not in High School. I'm still living at home, yet I'm almost completely self sufficient.

Basically I'm stuck still going through the motions
Wake Up
Class/ Work
Homework
Sleep

Basically I'm stuck where I never really wanted to be. In this awkward suburbian bubble that I was forced into 11 years ago. Void of culture or anything remotely authentic.

Wanting nothing more than to get out. To go on my own adventures since everyone else is doing just that.
Yet I know that getting out for the sake of getting out will just get me stuck somewhere else down the road.

Basically I don't know what to do.

THE JU: we get it

This is the 4th English class in a row in which my first reading assignment was an article about how the texting epidemic that hits teenagers and young adults so hard is eating away at our ability to write intelligently.
All I have to say is enough already.
It gets beaten into our heads everyday that the way we write in e-mails, text messages and our facebook profiles is inappropriate in the classroom. We Get It. And honestly not one of my friends has ever tried to pass that off as academic writing.
Just like a good student would never turn in a paper that was written in the language that they used to speak to their friends, a good student would never turn in a paper in text speak. So I guaruntee that if a student hands in an essay strewn with abreviations and usless acronyms, that student would have turned in a shitty paper even if texting and blogs never exsisted.

And we also don't need to be taught how to conciously switch from text speak to the standard english used in academic writing. If you try to hold someone's hand through something like that you just hinder personal repsonsibility. It's like manners.
If raised correctly, the transition between the way a child speaks to his friend and the way he speaks to his grandmother should be a natural transition.
If taught correctly, a student should be able to transition just as easily from the informal communication we use electronically and the formal rules of academic writing.

Just teach kids all the rules and tell them that standard english is the only appropriate way to write for an academic audience. If they fuck up after that it's because they're lazy, not because texting is slowing eating away at the pillars of good english.

EM: You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown!

You know those occasions where you plan and you plan and you plan for something, and you imagine it in your head over and over again, continuously having it go perfectly in your head, and then when it finally happens, your definition of perfect gets totally blown out of the water? Well that's what this show was for me; the most perfect and amazing experience of my life. This show was the greatest learning experience for me as both a director and a person. These kids, these amazing kids I worked with.... there are no words to describe these people. And all the support we received from friends, family, and even the outside public was amazing as well. Seeing the little children's faces in the audience, smiling and laughing, all because of this show, and seeing how much my cast grew to really truly become friends. Watching them get to know each other, getting to know them better myself, and all of us growing closer as a group. You know, I can honestly say that this was the BEST version of "...Charlie Brown!" I'd ever seen, and I'm not even saying that just because it was mine! It really was that bomb! Well, I can't wait to do it again, but if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that there will never be a show that tops my first one. This show will always have a very special place in my heart.

EM: Well, you live and you learn

That people you think are your "friends", they're not about 80% of the time. Most of the time, they keep you around for your personal information to leak out so that they can entertain themselves by talking shit about you.... A LOT. And you know what's funny? All the shit they talk about, that they think they're really smart for finding out.... IT'S NEVER FUCKING TRUE! Therefore, I've learned that I have a best friend that I love very dearly, and she's the best person I know. Everyone else, what the hell ever man. Being back stabbed, it's fucks you over too, not just me. Love you Ju, don't know what I'd do without you

EM: First year of College, almost over...

All I have to say is this: 

• 1.) If you're in HS and I'm talking about a hard assignment, you trying to relate to it by talking about your HS homework is a really great way to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME GODDAMN THING.
• 2.) That I love Ellensburg, yeah... it's come to that. I really like being out here with these people.
• 3.) In HS, I met Ju, and made a best friend, and that was truly the best and most rewarding part of HS for me. The rest of it is a memory that I don't care to revisit. 
• 4.) I miss Ju, and coming back this summer will be great, as will Hawaii :)
• 5.) That I've realized I've been forced out of my shell, truly forced, kicking and screaming, crying and hiding, and I look back on it, and I'm so glad.
• 6.) College is truly a wonderful gift, that I'm done taking advantage of, and look forward to instead fully seizing. 
• 7.) God am I a freaking Liberal... I mean, dude...
• 8.) If you're a bitch, I WILL FIGHT YOU
• 9.) I look totally retarded when I'm tipsy
• 10.) CWU Theatre=Best thing ever

For some, I'm sure this all sounds quite insignificant, like I should have had some epic, altering, life changing experience! Well, I did! Just not the huge kind you see in fake-ass movies. I've realized what I truly care about and what's truly important, and what distance does to people, and how true friendships last through anything. I've learned that it's okay to occasionally let loose and not keep my guard up at all time, to speak my mind, and to NOT let people walk all over me. And I've realized that being meek will get you absolutely nowhere, unless your ultimate goal in life is to have a desk job. Oh... and I've also realized that the culminating project that took me a year to do in HS was NOTHING LIKE THE 10 PAGE RESEARCH PAPER I JUST WROTE IN 3 DAYS. Let's get this next (and last) chapter of my educational career over with now, so I can move on to my job. Real life, here I come.

THE JU: Feeling Insignificant

really sucks

THE JU: Coming to an End

Saturday night was my senior prom. Something insignificant and monumental at the same time. Senior Prom means different things to different people. Here's what it meant to me

It meant that Saturday I would get off four and a half hours early.

Pick Kate up from her house

Drive to a florist to pick up the boutonnieres

End up being late to get my hair done

Spend an hour getting my hair done

Thirty minutes getting my makeup done

Go back to my house

And have Kate tape me into a dress that I spent the entirety of my tax refund check on

It meant that

my Mom would take pictures of Oliver, Jim, Kate and I in front of the lilac bush

and my neighbors would instantly know what was going on when they turned on to our street

It meant that Oliver and I would stall at dinner for two and a half hours because there was no traffic

That we would tour the EMP for half the dance 

And Ollie would finally let me take him swing dancing when we got bored

But now that it's over, it means a little more than that

Not the dance itself, with so much build up and anticipation all I really care about is getting to wear my dress again

But my senior prom has come and past

And i have to admit I never thought I'd make it

Now I'm graduating in 2 1/2 weeks

And i will never have to go back 

I'll be 18 in three weeks, I'll get my nose pierced, and I'll get my birthday dance at swing

And I will never see some of the people i love again

So as this part of my life is coming to an end, I can't help but think about those I've lost, and all the things that were left unsaid and undone.

I don't have any regrets, but I wish I could say that my childhood was everything it needed to be. I guess I have the next 3 weeks to make it that. 

EM: Swine Flu

So, I'm gonna' state my opinion about this whole thing and then just be done with it. If I don't, I'm seriously gonna' punt a baby across my room. Swine flu... oh the dreaded swine flu... wanna' know something about the swine flu?.... IT'S THE FUCKING FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST IN HEAVEN, IT.... IS.... THE.... FLU! Wanna' know how you avoid being infected with this oh so deadly sickness???? Here's a list of DUMB ASS ways to avoid it:

• Wash your hands a lot (which you should be doing anyway!)
• Don't share a single drink with 10 freaking people (which you should NOT be doing anyway!)
• When you kiss your significant other, be sure that they're not licking the door knobs at grey hound bus station bathrooms (Seriously...)
• Cover your mouth when you cough (NO BRAINER)
• Cover your WHOLE FACE when you sneeze (DUMB ASS)
• OVER ALL JUST DON'T BE STUPID AND DO NOT, I repeat... DO NOT BE A FREAKING HYPOCHONDRIAC!

I mean come on people, it's the flu, this is exactly what happened with Bird Flu (Which was way more deadly anyway) and SARS (which people had a 98% chance of survival with) and Mad Cow (which isn't the same thing, but the hype was the same so I'm counting it). Where are the most people dying from this????? MEXICO! Why? Becuase Mexico has really really really really REALLY shitty healthcare!!!! Ok? GOD!!!!!!!

That is my opinion on Swine Flu. I'm not going to get it, I'm not going to die, and if everyone stays healthy and smart, we should be fine. Why? Because it's the flu. 

If you have a problem with what I'm saying, then keep it to yourself, because this is MY blog, not yours and I don't need your NEGATIVE opinions. If you just want to laugh at me and tell me I have anger management, that's cool, because well, I probably do. 

EM: Get over it!

Ah, the immortal words. Usually you don't hear them from yourself, you hear it from those around you. But nah, this time it's the opposite. I'm telling myself to get the fuck over it. (And my roommate Alyssa, who is a very persistent girl... can't say I blame her... she's gotta live with me, haha) Why? Because I need to. This person I've been lately, this nonstop crying, not getting out of bed, wears sunglasses all the time so know one sees my swollen eyes... THAT'S NOT ME! When has that ever been me? Why would I want it to be me? It's not going to be me, it's not worth it! I've got too much to look forward to and I'm letting it go finally. I mean, come on, it's been like two weeks. People keep saying "I understand, that wasn't long ago at all!" Thanks guys, but honestly, it's long enough, good god. And for those of you who kind of have been assholes during the process (you may or may not know who you are) if I seem a little more distant, don't try and make it better. You're own fault, and I'm moving on from it all. No more going home every weekend of my college life, no more staying in my room by myself and not having any friends, and no more not taking responsibility for it. I'm digging myself out of this hole and thinking about just myself for ONCE in my life. So here we go, new Emily, blank canvas. Oooo! Maybe I'll get a really drastic haircut... that kind of sounds appealing... hmmm.... maybe not.... I like my golden locks.... huh... well enough A.D.D.ness, here starts the adventure!!!!

and btw, I'm also done trying to act more intelligent than I really am... fuck that! Life's too short and I'm a proud, eccentric, at times total dumb ass. Don't like it, BITE ME!

Em: The ShamWOW Test!

 

EM: People... why I hate them

In all honesty, I have to question sometimes whether or not there's such a thing as a "good person" at all. I mean, not everyone is a "bad person", but we ALL do bad things. But it's when you truly poor your heart into something and involve those around you that you realize who can be pegged as a good person. Honestly, I devoted a solid three years of my life to a certain department that I loved quite dearly. I spent every waking hour of my free time doing things that would benefit that department and revolved my whole life around it. I lived and breathed for it and it honestly made me happier than anything else in the world. Now that this part of my life is over, and I'm pursuing other things as an adult, I find myself needing more and more help from those I love, those I need, THOSE I'VE HELPED. In what realm does it become at all mature or appropriate for a GROWN ADULT to rat our two teenagers selling cookies? After the years or work we did for you, the tears we cried and the BULLSHIT we put up with, you can't throw us a bone? You really have the gall to report us to the man and send us packing? It's times like this when you really know where people's priorities are. It all comes down to what they consider important; selling candy bars, or allowing to struggling kids to raise money for something they've invested all of themselves in and DESPERATELY need. It's ridiculous honestly, because they were still doing 10 times better than us anyway, so it's not even like we were stealing their thunder. So congrats those of you who did this, because you've shown your true colors and now you never need to worry about dealing with me, because I'm done with you. I'm done with the department, I'm done with the friendly visits, I'm done with the HELPING, and I'm done with the fake plastered smile on my face. You're no longer my superiors, I don't have to impress any of you, I don't need you, and I never did. You can all just FUCK OFF because when this is all done, it will put you so called "adults" to shame. It will be amazing, and it will be because of EMILY HURTIN and DREW CARTER. Don't forget those names later when you're getting your diaper changed at the retirement home my some guy named Molly, because we'll have moved on to bigger and better things, and you'll be able to say "wow, I really should have been an adult, got a life, and moved on too." And then, I'LL LAUGH. Because I'm a respectful person, yeah, sure, BUT MESS WITH ME AND YOU'RE FUCKED FOR LIFE

THE JU: The Greatest thing Ever

So this is an essay that I read in my English 101 textbook "The Writers Way" and I think it's safe to say that it's one of the funniest things ever written/ is totally true. I have long thought about blogging about the horrors of Libby Lu but nobody says it better than Neve Chonin, so I'll leave it to her

NOTIN' BUT A TWEEN THANG

NEVA CHONIN

I live in a blessed bubble. My local cafes have free wireless, two green grocers gracet the neighborhood, my landlords babysit my pet mouse, and I have never seen a Club Libby Lu.

If you like me, knew nothing of Club Libby Lu until recently lemme tell ya, they're all the rage. Club Libbly Lu is a chain of more that 80 stores targeting girls ages 5 to 12, konwn by marketers as the "tween" demographic. This is the age where girls grow tired of toddling but haven't yet decided to hate their parents.

According to http://www.clublibbylu.com/, their stores aren't just retail outlets, but "something special!" They offer "a fun funky place to hang out" where grls can "dress up like a princess, rock star or drama queen" in a "famous Style Studio". They can get a manicure. They can "sing and dance to the latest club beat" with Libby's "inspiring Club Counselors". At Libby Lu "every girl is treated like a VIP--Very Important Princess! It's totally a girl thing!"

Totally! Libby Lu is one reason I'll never have children. The thought of sharing my home with a preening little monster in drama queen drag is enough to make me...oh, do something that would qualify me as an unfit mother. Like engaging said child in endless games of "Make the Princess Cry" and "Destroy the Drama Queen's Self Esteem--Forever". Besides encouraging kids to be egotistical brats, Libby Lu and other kiddie stores like Monkey Dooz reinforce annoying stereotypes --as opposed to legitimate sexual differences--and transform children into tiny grotesques destined for an adulthood as gender-polarized as their parents'. Do all little girls long to be pretty in pink? Really? Because by age 6, I was eating dirt and wanting to be a Japanese robot. I pulled my Barbie dolls apart limb by limb and reassembled them into hybrid monsters. I did the usual sick stuff all kids, regardless of sex, love to do as they explore their world's boundries.

There are no Japanese robots at Club Libby lu. Instead, tweenies are treated to makeovers--hair extensions, makeup, the whole shebang--and then according to a March Washington Post article, led in a dance by club counselors who urge them to "shimmy down" and "shake it" while a soundtrack instructs "Wet your lips/ And smile to the camera".

That done, the tots visit the Pooch Parlor to selcet a miniature stuffed dog, complete with couture carrier and a doggie T-shirt sloganed with something like "They Royal Heiress".

I'm sorry, did my projectile vomit just splash your coffee mug? Such is the risk of freading me in the morning. Because, I mean, dude. Just...dude. I'll say it plainly: LIBBY LU IS BREEDING MONSTERS. GOD HELP US. GRAB THE KIDS. TAKE THE DOG AND HEAD FOR THE BOMB SHELTER. GO NOW. Does the world need more vapid idiots? Does it? Look at the White House. Look at Britney Spears and K-Fed. And it gets worse! From the Post, a description of Libby Lu's interior:

The store is pink. There are pink ruffles around the light fixtures. The walls and stools

are blue and pink. The staff wears pink. There are pink cowboy hats for sale, pink

Ugg-like boots, pink phones decorated with pink feathers. There are rings with huge

diamonds, like J.Lo might wear (only fake), with pink packaging that reads "Bling!

Bling!"

Bling. Bling. Pass me an airsickness bag, cover your cup and tell me what you think of this: Libby Lu is all the rage for birthday parties. So what if a little girl's circle of friends includes little boys? Are little boys allowed to explore their inner drama queens too? The question is rhetorical. Of course their not. Libby Lu likes to keep the sexes segregated, Taliban-style. Libby Lu isn't reggressive, it's revolutionary, proposing a level of male-female isolation that this country hasn't seen since Puritanism waned four centuries ago. Sayonara, childhood friendship between the sexes. Hello, tween-boy frat parties with ginger-ale kegs. This is what really irks me, but what bothers many anti-Libby parents the most is something hinted at in yet another Post outtake (hey I enjoy my newspapers). "Sometimes people walking through the mall gather by the windows at Club Libby Lu to watch the spectacle of little girls, "with all that pink and glitter. All that flesh too."

Mmmmm. All that little girl flesh. Tastes like chicken. Now, while my thoughts turn to cannibalism, others have less savory minds. For many moms, the thought of adults watching kids parade in skimpy outfits raises the specter of--what else?--pedophilia. Yow! Perverts in the mall!

To that, I say, hush. I do think it's wretched for Libby Lu to train tots for lives as gold-digging sex-bots, but I don't think it necessarily inspires men in trench coats to abscond with the foul little princesses. Some mothers disagree. They disagree to the point where they're ready to picket, say, Kenneth Cole for dressing kids in any kind of adult attire, even suits and ties.

Where does this leave us?

On one side the pink vaccum of Libb Lu; on the other, the repressive hysteria of neo-Puritans. Stuck in between on an ever-shrinking field of sanity, the rest of us,

I've said it before, so I might as well say it again: Procreation is vastly overrated.

(San Fransisco Chronicle, Datebooks, July 23, 2006)

EM: It's important to me, therefor it's something to think about...

So this is important, It's occurring, and it's effecting many more kids than you'd think it is. 

Transgender Children and “Gender Identity Disorder”
Recently, I sat down to watch my favorite TV show “Law and Order: SVU” much like I usually do. The episode was called ‘Transitions’ and I was extremely surprised at the subject matter of the show; transgender children and what is called ‘Gender Identity Disorder’. I had heard of this before of course, transgender men and women that work to become what they believe they truly are, but I had heard very little about how much this has been affecting some children. The episode addressed a problem with a mother and father fighting for custody of their transgender son Henry, who was fighting to become the girl he was on the inside. The mother, although it was difficult on her, supported her ‘daughter’s’ decision, while the father was in complete denial of it all, forcing his child to become suicidal. The father refused to allow hormone blockers to be taken to stop puberty and start transitioning into a female, which caused massive issues amongst the family. This brought me to my question, “Should parents really have a say in whether or not their transgender child can begin their transition?”
To be transgender, it means that you feel that you were born into the wrong body; your brain is telling you your female, but your body is make, or vice versa. It is something that many people go through and it’s becoming much more common today for those people to do something about it. Recently, there was a report about the transgender man who gave birth to a baby, because he hadn’t fully transitioned into the male form surgically. But now, people are starting to discover this at younger and younger ages. In many ways, this is easier on them, but it causes much emotional difficulty on others, particularly the parents.
In 2007, an article was printed about a transgender six-year-old girl whose parents supported her transition into the female identity. Born a boy, Jazz Jennings had insisted since the moment she could talk that she was a girl. Jazz is one of the “youngest known cases of an early transition from male to female” (Goldberg/Adriano 1). Jazz’s parents have also discussed Hormone Therapy. This will stop her from growing body hair and everything else that’s masculine. Once she starts taking estrogen, this will help her body start taking a turn for female. Her fat will start to go to her hips and she will develop breasts.
Eventually, all transgender people come across a difficult decision; do they want to take the step towards Gender Reassignment Surgery? Most people in this situation are older when they make the decision, but often, for children, the surgery is all they want. For children like Jazz, it isn’t something that has been thought about as much as wearing dresses and decorating her room with mermaids. At the tender age of six, she’s taking the steps toward becoming a little girl and not needing to worry about becoming a woman. For kids like Riley Grant, a transgender ten-year-old girl, it’s all they can think about.
Riley Grant was born a boy, but always knew he was a girl. As a child, he was quiet, passive, and quite clingy. “His mother knew that he wouldn't become a macho little boy,” Says Alan Goldberg of ABC News. Her mother, is very supportive of Riley’s decision, and is quite understanding of her situation. “She has a birth defect, and we call it that. I can't think of a worse birth defect, as a woman to have, than to have a penis," Riley's mother, Stephanie, told Barbara Walters. "She talks about the day she'll have a baby. That's not in her future. But she sees herself as growing up to be a woman" (Goldberg 1). Riley has always been quite emotional and passionate about insisting that she was a girl. This all become quite clear one day when his mother was giving she and her sister a bath. Riley, out of the tub, held a pair of nail clippers against his penis and said that it wasn’t supposed to be there, that “God made a mistake”, breaking his mother’s heart. His mother began to buy him feminine things in secret, making sure that her father wouldn’t find out. This went on for a few months, then her father found out. He was extremely upset; it wasn’t something he at all believed in. Seeing his son wear a dress was almost too much for him to bear. This caused so much tension in the Grant’s marriage, and they almost ended up separating over it.
This has to make you wonder, if you were in this situation to, as a parent, could you really say that you’d rather have a dead son than a happy, loving daughter? This could be misconstrued as an unfair question, and an unfair one it is, but it’s definitely one to think about. When doctors perform the Gender Reassignment Surgery, they always make sure that they are at the age of consent, eighteen. But is this really right? Is it really worth it to make these children suffer and live in such depression, knowing that they’re in the wrong body, that they were born physically into this world the exact opposite of how they’re brain is developing? In the womb, at the beginning, all fetus brains start out as female until the testosterone began to effect the brain and body development. But what if during this time, something went wrong? This is the theory many scientists have made; that as a fetus, the brain was affected and the body was not, or vice versa, causing the brain to develop feminine and the body to develop masculine, or the brain to develop masculine and the body to develop feminine. Should this really be the choice of the parents for their child when in all honesty, they have no idea what their child is going through? Also, should the parents have any say in whether or not their children should be able to stop taking the hormone blockers? Just because a father wants his son to remain his son, simply because his little boy playing with dolls makes him uncomfortable, is it really worth risking the depression or even the suicide of his child? Many people are fighting for this today, to put the decision ultimately in the hands of those who are transgender, at any age over ten.
To some, this seems outrageous and far too young an age, but too others, they know that a child can tell immediately if something isn’t right, and want it fixed. Children are much more perceptive than we think they are, much more aware of what’s going on with their bodies than we’d like to think. It’s actually been proven in a study done by Barbara Walters, that children who start their transition early see massive improvement in their personality and even their grades in school. One transgender boy, after taking testosterone and hormone blockers in order to start his transition from female to male, went from D and C grades to A and B grades once he felt he was in the ‘right body’, and is happy now, very happy.
What I hope to learn from this project his this; I want to better understand the reason this happens to so many children. Also, I would like to know why it seems that younger and younger children are making this discovery known and taking action. This is something that many people don’t think about in everyday life, but the fact of the matter is that it is a real issue and it’s affecting younger and younger people everyday. These children, who only want to feel like they were born in the right body, are being made miserable because people are so closed-minded and don’t want to hear about anything out of the norm. Parents of these children are putting more and more stress on these children because they want to avoid embarrassment and heartache. This is of course understandable, but also, people need to realize sometimes that what’s best for their children isn’t always what you as a parent want, no matter how outlandish and hard it may seem. I also hope to explore more of these types of cases and what there outcomes are; whether or not these people ever got what they truly wanted.

THE JU: Where does it come from?

WARNING: this is another rant about the ridiculous lameness of my generation

I don't understand where kids get it these days. Where they get it into their heads that it's acceptable to disrespect others.

Were my parents and Emily's parents just really old fashioned? Or are the kids I go to school with assholes on their own accord?

I don't care if you don't like someone
I don't care if you think they're crazy
I don't care if you think that they're waisting your time
I don't care if you have to deal with them against your will

There is never an excuse to outwardly disrespect someone. Even if that person is outwardly disrespecting you, be the better person, suck it up and treat them like a human being.
There is really no need for the sneers, jokes, and underhanded "compliments" that I see kids my age give to teachers and authority figures alike daily. I'm not saying that kids shouldn't stick up for themselves, some teachers these days should not be with in 50 feet of children, but I'm sick of kids being blatantly rude to someone because they feel like they have to be polite.

for god's sake show some class

Nobody is above the learning something new from somebody else.

As my grandpa used to say
You think you're hot shit on a silver platter, but you're a cold turd on a paper plate.

All of you that I'm talking about, I hope you don't change
I hope you get out into the real world and try to treat people the way you do now
I guaruntee you, you won't get anywhere
And when you get those doors slammed in your face, THEN I hope you learn your lesson

THE JU: reminiscent

Tuesday February 17th 2009

Taco Bell

The Sanlot

Pop Rocks

Sour Straws

and

My hetero life mate Erin

A recipe for a good night in. For the record The Sandlot is one of the greatest movies ever made. But that night made me really miss some things.

I'm not complaining about my life at present. I have 3 of the best friends I could ever ask for, I go dancing every saturday night, I'm 3 months and 19 days away from graduating high school, 3 months and 21 days away from my 18th birthday, I've got a job, a car that is "for my use" and a big comfy bed.

But there is a lot about my past that I wish i had held onto.

I miss living in Seattle. I miss weekdays with Cassidy and the rest of the Fab Four and weekends with my sister climbing trees. I miss my guardian angel Jetta. I miss getting a cup full of gummy bears for going shopping with my dad. I miss dancing on his feet. I miss friday night dinners with Grandma and Grandpa, I miss Grandpa reading me Winnie the Pooh until I fell asleep on his chest. I miss Grandma's mac n cheese and lemon meringue pie (not together of course) I miss climbing the wooden spider web at my dad's house. I miss my dad's roomates taking me and Rachel to Gameworks and hanging us by our feet off the porch when we switched their gum for pieces of soap, I miss running the dogs at marrymoore park, I miss how amazing it felt to sit on my dad's shoulders, I miss art projects with Aunt Susan, summers at the Daybreak Center Pow Wow, collecting sea shells at discovery park, and shirley temples at Casa Ya Betcha. I miss breakfast at the Honey Bear Bakery, walks at Greenlake, Bernie's Bagles, lemon chicken at Raja Malaysia and visiting my favorite Orangutan at the zoo. I miss beach trips on Widbey Island, seeing Titanic in the movie theater, making perfume that gave us allergic reactions and the monkey bars with Cassidy. I miss Stella's Pizza and friday night Pho. I miss fight night at PT's house, riding bikes in the alley, the homeless guy at texaco with the dog named Freeway Friend, my lesbian neighbors who let me eat all of their plums in the summer, playing sonic the hedgehog, and warm nights listening to PT play music on the porch with Debbie's kids. I miss mudbaths, pillow fights, trips to the Lewis and Clark Theater, and breakfast at Kettle's with Danielle. I miss days at Lake Tapps and the pool, making up dances, and weeks doing nothing with Erin. I miss Dan's barbeques, playing tetherball, and trying to keep up with my dad and uncles on hunting trips. I miss family camping trips at the Sinlahekin, taking pictures, making up irish accents, and swimming in the lake with Rachel. I miss basketball practice, and saturday morning games. I miss pizza parties and being undefeated for three years. I miss Mr. Wirtala's 5th Grade class, I miss riding bikes to Sids for sourpatch kids and water balloons, going to Frank Love to swing, I miss volleyball, soccer and karate, going to stipek on the last day of school, walking everywhere cause i had no other choice. I miss catching tad poles watching the hummingbirds, and picking blackberries. I miss going to a show everyother week, recognizing people from the last one i went to, being on capital hill late at night, flirting with merch guys, the feeling of the base moving through my whole body, mosh pits, and getting bruised. I miss talking to my sister for 3 hours on the phone about everything, locking ourselves in the room we used to share forever painting our nails and watchi

ng the Cosby Show. I miss wednesday nights at Cassidy's house, sneaking her friends in, dinner at Yanni's, trips to Freemont to climb the troll, hot tubs and cold showers. I miss getting stoned at the lake, eating whole loaves of bread in toast with Sherece, falling asleep on Mac's floor with the boys around me, asian food for breakfast, snow days on my bedroom floor with hot choclate, horror movies and my two best friends, saturday nights at the skatepark getting drunk with people that cared about me, getting yelled at in korean for getting home late and plastered, all nighters on the phone with Sherece. Nights on the docks at Alki with a boy, cuddling and making out while trying to watch Pirates of the Carribean, football games dressed up, crew drives, days spent on white sand beaches, nights playing doubles ping pong with "Miami Vice" and "Jew Fro"and so much more.

I don't necessarily want all of those things back, but i want the people and the feelings back. It's so weird how much life changes from year to year. I never really thought that I've changed a lot from year to year, but remembering what I used to do regularly and what I do now, I must have. I think I've changed for the better but why do I have to lose people to do that?

EM: Another one...

EM: The dream cycle...

Okay, here's the deal... lately, I've been having the weirdest freaking dreams ever! Like, they won't stop! I mean, it's like my dreams are trying to tell me something, but they're all so reandom and weird they don't seem to connect in anyway to one another. Take for example, my dream the other night. So, I'm living in space on a space station, only this space stating is like, HUGE, and looks somewhat like earth. Everyone is being attacked by Aliens, like the ones from the movies with the crazy little head inside the mouth and the whipping tails. So myself and a bunch of my friends are running from room to room and hiding from the aliens. So I lock myself in a trunk for a little while then I move on. I realize that I need to go find my family so I go out to this outdoor basketball court where my brother and a bunch of his friends are playing basketball and my mom is across the bridge (you need to cross a freaking bridge to get to the court) yelling at my brother to come inside. None of them have any idea that we're under alien attack... yeah, I know... anyways, so I yell at my mom to come over and she doesn't listen, I get all pissed because she's being annoying, then finally she comes over, but instead of crossing the bridge to get over, she hops a bunch of rocks and risks plummeting to her death, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SPACE! And so, then my friend Kip gets sucked up into the ceiling by one of the aliens later and is never seen again (sorry Kip... :(... lame I know) and we finally get to the dock where everyone is frantically trying to board this space craft to escape. We're all throwing bags and our belongings into it and then my dad gets all pissed for spilling something on his sweatshirt. I look over, turns out it's alien goo, grab a conveniently placed metal pipe, and totally pwn an alien above us. Then I wake up.....

TELL ME THAT'S NOT THE WEIRDEST DREAM KNOWN TO MAN!!!!! AND MORE AND MORE KEEP HAPPENING TOO! I've had at least 5 or 6 more that are just as weird! I mean, I won't share them all, because some of them are just to ridiculous to remember every last detail, but good lord man.... I NEED HELP!

EM: Oh Ju, How I love thee!

LOOK! This is the headshot for my upcoming BFA Musical Theatre Auditions at Central Washington University, and guess who took them? That would be Julia Shelden ladies and gentlemen! Personally, I really think that this is like the best headshot I've ever had taken. The last ones I had taken, wow... not so great... but these are super cute! It makes me very happy and I'm really excited! If any of you need pics, you should definitely ask her! THANKS JU! LOVE YOU!

THE JU: Understandable

So I think that by now everyone knows that this is the new face of "sexy".

Robert Pattinson. The man that portrayed the most popular fictional character today, Edward Cullen, in the film rendition of Twilight.

What people may not realize is that for every swooning woman/teenage girl, there is a butthurt guy who hates this face, and what pop culture has made it to stand for. Now I realize that the obession many girls have today is ridiculous, but the attraction is understandable.

Stephanie Meyer created the man that every dad wants their little girl to fall for. Every father tells his daughter to wait for the boy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who treats you with the respect that men had for women in our grandparents time, who loves you just as much as your dad does.

So is it really so ridiculous for girls to gravitate towards this Edward character? Boys is it that weird that women want to be with someone who loves them so completely? It is so unreasonable that some of us refuse to lower our standards because men today are too lazy to be decent boyfriends?

Now I'm not defending the starstruck preteens that make their obsessions obvious in obnoxious ways. They're just as nauseating to me as the next person. And I'm not telling guys that they'll never get a girls if they aren't flawless vampires, I'm just saying that the attraction to a respectful, artistic, sweet, good looking guy is completely understandable, and natural. It's almost a refreshing change of pace from the codependendt girls I see daily who will settle for any smarmy guy who shows any interest in them.

Boys, if I wrote a book about a girl who looked like Megan Fox, was up for anything in bed, did all the house work with out complaining, and loved you unconditionally wouldn't you have some sort of a facination with her too?

We don't expect you to sparkle in the sunlight, or smell strangely alluring, we just appreciate a man who holds the door open, and offers a jacket when it's cold outside, and we can't help but wish for someone who loves us the way Edward loves Bella, for her details.

Maybe if those qualities weren't so hard to come by today, Edward Cullen wouldn't be such a phenomenon.

EM: Oscar Predictions

So these are my nominee/winner predictions for the Oscars this year. The (*) will represent who I think will win/deserve to win in each category.

Best Picture:
Revolutionary Road*
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slumdog Millionair
Doubt

Best Actor:
Sean Penn- Milk*
Brad Pitt- The Curious Case...
Leonardo DiCaprio- Revolutionary Road
Clint Eastwood- Gran Torino

Best Supporting Actor:
Heath Ledger- The Dark Knight*
James Franco- Milk
Phillip Seymore Hoffman- Doubt
Robert Downey Jr.- Tropic Thunder

Best Actress:
Anne Hathaway- Rachel Getting Married
Merryl Streep- Doubt*
Kate Winslet- Revolutionary Road
Angelina jolie- Changeling

Best Supporting Actress:
Penelope Cruz- Viki Christine Barcelona
Viola Davis- Doubt*
Amy Adams- Doubt
Kate Winslet- The Reader

Best Adapted Screenplay:
The Dark Knight (yeah, I think it counts!!!)
Doubt*

Best Original Screenplay:
Tropic Thunder
Gran Torino
Slumdog Millionair
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button*

Best Animated Picture:
Wall-E
Bolt*
Kung-Fu Panda

The rest of the awards are just not important enought to me for me to predict them, so this is my list!

THE JU: Growing Up

your best friend becomes your enemy.
lollipops turn into cigarettes.
the innocent ones turn into sluts.
homework goes in the trash.
Cellphones are being used in class.
detention becomes suspension.
soda becomes vodka.
undies turn into g-strings.
kisses turn into sex.
remember when high meant swinging on the playground?
when protection meant wearing a helmet?
when the worst thing you could get from boys was cooties?
dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero?
your worst enemies were your siblings.
race issues were about who ran the fastest.
war was only a card game.
the only drug you knew was cough medicine.
wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut.
the only things that hurt you were skinned knees.
and goodbyes ony meant until tomorrow?

and we just couldn't wait to grow up...

stolen from Jazminn's Myspace

Dorm Tour Madness!

THE JU: Somewhat Disturbing

Last week for me was what we theatre folk know and hate as "Hell Week" A week of endless rehearsals and tech work all leading up to opening weekend of a show. It causes more breakouts, breakdowns, and arguments in one week than I have ever seen any one activity cause besides addiction.
But that's not what disturbs me. the other day i heard someone say something that snapped a lot of things back into focus, a fellow cast member commented about the play:

"I just don't care anymore...because when you don't care you can't get hurt."

Now that's not a foreign philosophy to me or anybody for that matter. But i don't think that i've ever heard anyone say that out loud without being in the middle of a breakdown.

It's definately true. if you don't care about making the team it doesn't hurt when your name isn't on the list, if you never knew a person you might be sad that they passed away but it wouldn't truly hurt you.

But that is no way to live. If you don't care about anything you may not get hurt but how will you ever know joy? If you don't care about anything what's to stop you from hurting other people, or wasting away in your parents basement when your friends are out in the world making something of themselves?

We all have our reasons for "not caring"
not letting the backstabbing best friend see that she actually got to you
supporting the girl that got the part you wanted
saving face if the show you're starring in isn't as good as you thought it would be
not letting the ex boyfriend see that you still care for him

Those are all things we hid because they'd make us victims, they'd make us vulnerable. And we can't stand that because it shows people how to hurt you in the future.
But being vulnerable is human, and if you never let anyone see that humanity how can anyone ever truly love you?

So ask yourself, is being invincible worth being alone?

EM: Ju's Face Of the Week

WEEK #2: I guess I don't know if you can really call this "Making a face" or not. It's really just Ju playing with the the Photo Booth effects of my Macbook. Cute right? I thought so. It's kind of amazing how you can put a cute girl in front of a camera, turn on this function, and totally alter the look of the person entirely. Personally, I think it's mildly hilarious. I mean, does this look anything like the Ju we all know and love? NO! But, however, are we surprised that it is her? No, why? Because this is so something she would do. I think more people should be open to taking pictures like this instead of slutty myspace photos. This is more fun anyway...

Choir Video further explanation

Jenga Madness