EM: Maybe it's part of life... maybe it's normal...

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking about my past a lot. When I say my past, I mean specifically High School, since that was a time of great discovery and lessons. Mainly what I've been thinking about it the fact that I wouldn't relive any of it if you gave me a million dollars. Like, when I really think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach how much I really hated High School. And what's interesting is how attached to it I was when I graduated. I mean, that's not really surprising; I absolutely hate change. In all honesty, I completely and utterly despise it. High School, other than the time I spent doing drama, was absolute balls. And I'm not excluding drama from that, because there were times during drama where I was so absolutely done I wanted to drop out and become a hobo. I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much lately, maybe it's because Holiday breaks are starting to come up, and that's when you reconnect with everyone.

Now I love seeing my close friends on breaks, I'm not saying I don't. But... I don't like seeing everybody... I HATE FEELING LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN. It pisses me off so much, it sickens me really.

I don't know how I got this way. At the time of High School I felt like everyone I'd met was a lifelong friend. I was right about some of those people, but not all of them. Actually I was right about... hmmmm... let's say 25-30% of them. All the others, now when I see them, they look at me like "Wow... are you really talking to me right now? Do I look like I wanna' chat?" and I have to ask... "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?! SERIOUSLY?!"

Oh my god I'm tripping balls... I'm freaking out... I don't know why. I'm just all of the sudden thinking about all of the bad memories I have and NONE of the good. I want to think of the good! There were so many good! But the bad always overshadows the good, you always end up dwelling. I've never been one to massively dwell (except for one other occasion...) and I don't like doing it. It's out of character and it's annoying. And I don't want people thinking I don't want to be around them or that I hate them either (But luckily, not a lot of people follow this blog, so it's a good source to get my feelings out.) I don't know, either way, I guess I'm just going through a phase... I'm sure I'll get over it... eventually :(