EM: Men (can't live with them, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM)

So essentially I've realized that I have the most intense love/hate relationship with the male species. I mean, it's a little ridiculous. There are those guys who you're just friends with; they're sweet, they're funny, they're a little annoying sometimes, but you love being around them all the time. There are those guys you like; they're sweet, they're funny, they drive you up the wall because you know they just don't get it, and yet you love being around them all the time. And finally there are the guys who you hate so much you just want them to walk into moving rush hour traffic (there aren't very many of them, but they exist). This puts me in a pickle. Why? I can't handle the fact that I feel like to every guy I meet, I'm the friend. "Oh Emily, you're such a good friend!" and "Emily I love you" of course platonically. I'm not that girl who anyone's immediately attracted to, which is annoying. I mean, I don't want to be one of those girls who guys only like for they're looks, but still... and holy shit! Every guy I like, a bunch of other girls like, and just totally make it obvious. All over them, hugging them, sitting with them, talking to them, giggling uncontrollably, how the shit to I compete with that? I'm not that kind of girl, I don't play the game like that.

There's the ex-boyfriends of course. I mean, I only have one, but still, it's not the easiest thing ever. Are we friends? Yeah. Is it cool? Yeah! Will it ever be the same? No. Everything is completely changed and you'll never just be friends. You'll always be ex's, it's like being branded with a permanent mark on your forehead.

And the guys who you once kind of had a thing with, who completely fucked you over and are totally clueless to the fact that they hurt you. The guys who always try to talk to you like everything is cool, and you have to ignore, and you wish they'd just be gone forever, because in all honesty they're not that great anyway and the only reason you ever went for them is because you were so vulnerable from you're previous heartbreak that you were ready to jump anything and anyone with a pulse. And you were on two completely different pages; you didn't know it, but he did. Or you did know it and were in complete denial. Or you weren't in denial but thought he'd change his mind. OR ALL OF THE ABOVE! Not only is he a complete and total walking dick, but he's a constant reminder of what a complete retard you were. And you're still heart broken, he didn't fix anything. If anything, he just took your broken heart, put the pieces in a blender, and hit "frappe".

I just need to meet someone new, you know? Just meet someone new! A cool dude who isn't in theatre, who I haven't known for a decent amount of years, who is cool and nice and friendly, who has a good sense of humor... you know, that quite possibly non-existent-for-me dream guy. It's obnoxious, god college is a torture chamber sometimes.