EM: Lately, this song speaks to me...

Every time I think of you, I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
And I'm wonderin' why you left
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart
Tonight

I hear your name in certain circles, and it always makes me
Smile
I spend my time thinkin' about you, and it's almost driving
Me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking down this long distance
Line tonight

I ain't missing you at all since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you, no matter what I might say

There's a message in the wire, and I'm sending you this
Signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning, though I'm trying hard to
Understand
And it's my heart that's breaking down this long distance
Line tonight


I ain't missing you at all
Since you've been gone away
I ain't missing you,
No matter what my friends say

And there's a message that I'm sending out,
Like a telegraph to your soul
And if I can't bridge this distance,
Stop this heartbreak Overload


I ain't missing you,
I ain't missing you,
I can lie to Myself...

EM: Maybe it's part of life... maybe it's normal...

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking about my past a lot. When I say my past, I mean specifically High School, since that was a time of great discovery and lessons. Mainly what I've been thinking about it the fact that I wouldn't relive any of it if you gave me a million dollars. Like, when I really think about it, it makes me sick to my stomach how much I really hated High School. And what's interesting is how attached to it I was when I graduated. I mean, that's not really surprising; I absolutely hate change. In all honesty, I completely and utterly despise it. High School, other than the time I spent doing drama, was absolute balls. And I'm not excluding drama from that, because there were times during drama where I was so absolutely done I wanted to drop out and become a hobo. I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much lately, maybe it's because Holiday breaks are starting to come up, and that's when you reconnect with everyone.

Now I love seeing my close friends on breaks, I'm not saying I don't. But... I don't like seeing everybody... I HATE FEELING LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN. It pisses me off so much, it sickens me really.

I don't know how I got this way. At the time of High School I felt like everyone I'd met was a lifelong friend. I was right about some of those people, but not all of them. Actually I was right about... hmmmm... let's say 25-30% of them. All the others, now when I see them, they look at me like "Wow... are you really talking to me right now? Do I look like I wanna' chat?" and I have to ask... "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU?! SERIOUSLY?!"

Oh my god I'm tripping balls... I'm freaking out... I don't know why. I'm just all of the sudden thinking about all of the bad memories I have and NONE of the good. I want to think of the good! There were so many good! But the bad always overshadows the good, you always end up dwelling. I've never been one to massively dwell (except for one other occasion...) and I don't like doing it. It's out of character and it's annoying. And I don't want people thinking I don't want to be around them or that I hate them either (But luckily, not a lot of people follow this blog, so it's a good source to get my feelings out.) I don't know, either way, I guess I'm just going through a phase... I'm sure I'll get over it... eventually :(

EM: God dammit, MY LIFE!

What the hell?! I have Shingles?! REALLY?!! Omg, this is the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, aside from when I had hand-foot-and-mouth disease. I swear to god I get the most ridiculously outlandish and painful illnesses ever, it's not fair. I mean, seriously, I'm in so much goddamn pain. It's like someone is stabbing me in the left shoulder blade with a giant needle, meanwhile taking a bunch of smaller needles and scraping me along the rest of the surrounding area. I just want to die and get it over with, IT HURTS SO BAD!!! Dammit, agh... god. OUCH! Dammit... :'(

THE JU: Indescribable

Right now I am so unbelievably in love with my friends. More specifically the friends I dance with.

If you didn't already know, I am completely addicted to swing dancing. My friend Mark got me into it about a year and a half ago and it is absolutely my favorite thing to do in the whole world.

I love it cause it's okay to be goofy, infact the goofier you are the better.

But the real reason I'm so completely addicted is because of the people.

Nobody I dance with is trying to be cool

or sexy

or even go against the grain.

They all just genuinely love it, and they are the most sincere people I have ever known in my entire life.

So here's to the people I dance with

Especially my boys, who aren't afraid to be gentlemen, even when they don't have to be.

THE JU: yet another

Okay so there are so many blogs on here about Twilight. The one below this that Em wrote made me pee my pants a tiny bit. What I'm about to write isn't funny. I just need to sort through some shit going through my mind.

I am a Twilight fan. But before you stone me in the street I'd just like to say a few things:

1. I don't EVER want a man I'm with to sparkle
2. The fact that Nordstrom has a line of Twilight apparel and cosmetics makes me want to strangle innocent things
3. I find Robert Pattinson sexy for reasons that are completely seperate from the movies
4. I understand that the concepts of tabooed love, and sexy vampires are 100% unoriginal
5. Stephanie Meyer is to literature what the Jonas Brothers are to music
6. I will go to the midnight show of New Moon with gold contacts, only because I will not let the scene around something I like keep me from enjoying it, no matter how much that scene makes me want to pull out my fingernails and shove them into my own eyes

Here's my thing:
The Twilight fad is absolutely fucking ridiculous. And it angers me as much as the next person how much attention it is getting when, in all reality, it lacks originality, talented actors (with the exception of Dakota Fanning) and sensible artistic details. It baffles me that something completely void anything good is so popular.
And then I started thinking, why is it so popular. I mean it sucks, and everyone complains about it. In fact people that hate Twilight have just as many Facebook groups, and blogs as the super fans. So why on god's green earth is it so successful.
And then I realized, it's the people it is geared to. "The Twilight Saga" (p.s how the fuck did it get classified as a saga?) is geared towards prepubescent girls, and lusty old women. Two large target audiences, widely held to have absolutely no taste. So maybe that's why I (and most of the people I choose to associate with) don't understand.

It's the same principle as why I don't understand books about the wiring of cars; I am not the intended audience. Because surely if the people marketing Twilight were trying to hook me and my friends they wouldn't be going about it like they are right now. They'd be keeping it somewhat underground, true to the book, and do a hell of a lot better casting a female lead than Kirsten Stewart.

So my frustration is merely a product of the fact that I am no longer in the age group that huge fads are targeted to. It doesn't excuse the fact that it sucks, but it puts its popularity into perspective. The reason Twilight is so fucking nauseating is because the fan base is too.

Of course young teenage girls love all the shirts that say "Screw Being a Princess, I want to be a Vampire" and "Bet You Can't Read My Mind". It's because they're young, naive, and think they're hot shit. The same reasons why 15 year old girls scream to the lead singer of Boys Like Girls that they want to have his babies. They are, for lack of a better synonym, completely fucking retarded.

Unfortunately, the world is full of Jr. High School girls who haven't yet realized that they're ridiculous. Which is why Twilight, and the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus for that matter, are so popular.

Our parents went through the same frustration when The Spice Girls and boy bands hit the fan in the 90s. Don't get me wrong, Spice Girls are (to me) classic, but compared to the music of our parents grew up with, the Spice Girls were horrible. And we loved them because they were marketed to us.

So there we go. Twilight is horrible because for some reason that is what sells.

God damn it what is the world coming to.